Collective Grief: Mourning Someone You Never Knew

I found this piece in one of my journals dated 1st of January 2025:

The tears filled my eyes as I heard of the passing of a police officer who was struck by a car while on duty in the early hours of New Year's Day.

She was a Senior Sergeant who had dedicated 38 years of service to the police.

I didn't know her personally, and neither did my husband. Yet the news hit hard.

Days like today remind us of the reality and the risk that emergency service workers face every time they put on their uniform. They leave home not knowing what the day or night will bring.

For me, this tragedy brought back memories of my husband's assault three years ago. It happened in the early hours of the morning, completely without warning. Like so many incidents, we never saw it coming.

I know we won't be the only people grieving today who never met this officer.

This is what I think of as collective grief.

Collective grief is the shared sadness we experience when someone else's loss touches our own story. It can come from being part of the same profession, the same community, or simply understanding what it feels like to live with the possibility that it could have been your loved one.

Sometimes we grieve because we've walked a similar path.

Sometimes we grieve because we understand the sacrifices made by those who serve.

Sometimes we grieve because another family's heartbreak reminds us how precious and fragile life is.

We are connected in ways that can't always be seen or fully explained. Our nervous systems, our experiences, our compassion, and our humanity allow us to feel deeply for people we've never met.

If you've found yourself emotional over the loss of someone you didn't know, please don't judge yourself.

Your feelings are real.

Your empathy is real.

Your grief is real.

Perhaps collective grief is one of the clearest reminders that we are not separate from one another. We belong to communities, professions, families, and shared human experiences. When one person suffers, the ripple is felt far beyond those who knew them personally.

Today my thoughts are with her family, her friends, and her police whānau.

May they find strength in each other, comfort in the memories they shared, and hope that they never have to carry this loss alone.