Don’t Ever Apologise for Feeling Your Emotions

This morning, I could see my daughter wasn’t quite herself.

She was trying to tie her hair up, but it was fuzzy and wouldn’t sit the way she wanted it to. I could see the emotion starting to rise as she became frustrated, and by the time she was ready to walk out the door, I knew she just wasn’t right.

There was nothing particularly dramatic about it. No big event had happened.

She was just having a moment.

So instead of trying to talk her out of it, fix it or tell her she was going to be fine, I simply helped.

I brushed her hair.

I put some earrings in.

I put a little lippy on her.

And then we danced around the room.

Because sometimes, you don't need to have the perfect words. Sometimes you just need to be there.

As the energy shifted, she apologised to me for being emotional.

And I immediately said, “Don’t ever apologise for feeling your emotions.”

Because this is exactly what our emotions are there for.

They are information.

They are signals.

They are our body and mind trying to tell us something.

And at this age, she is learning a whole new language.

Teenage years bring so many changes — physically, emotionally, socially and hormonally. There will be emotions that feel enormous one minute and completely disappear the next. There will be frustration, sadness, excitement, anger, overwhelm, insecurity, joy and everything in between.

And I think one of the most important things we can teach our girls is that none of these emotions make them wrong.

They don't need to apologise for them.

They don't need to be ashamed of them.

And they don't always need to do something about them.

They need to learn how to feel them.

Because so many adults have never really learned how.

Instead, we learn to escape our emotions.

We distract ourselves.

We stay busy.

We scroll.

We eat.

We drink.

We work.

We shut down.

We tell ourselves we're fine.

We become really good at pushing uncomfortable feelings away — without ever learning what those feelings were trying to tell us.

And perhaps we can do something different for the next generation.

Perhaps we can teach our daughters that emotions aren't something to fear.

That feeling overwhelmed doesn't mean you're weak.

That being angry doesn't make you an angry person.

That feeling sad doesn't mean something is wrong with you.

That sometimes you can feel something deeply without needing to immediately fix it.

And when those big emotions arrive, perhaps our role as parents isn't always to make them disappear.

Sometimes it's simply to sit beside them.

Listen.

Be curious.

“What are you feeling?”

“What do you think you need?”

“How can I help you navigate this?”

And sometimes, apparently, the answer might be:

Brush the hair.

Put in the earrings.

Add some lippy.

And dance around the room.

Because regulating our nervous system doesn't always have to look like sitting quietly and taking deep breaths. Sometimes it's movement. Sometimes it's laughter. Sometimes it's music. Sometimes it's a hug. Sometimes it's simply having someone beside you who makes you feel safe enough to let the emotion move through you.

We don't need to take the emotion away.

We can help them move through it.

And perhaps that's one of the greatest gifts we can give our daughters as they grow into women:

You are allowed to feel.

You don't have to apologise for it.

You don't have to hide it.

You don't have to fix it.

You can listen to it, learn from it, and let it move through you.

And I'll happily dance around the room with you while you do.